The Astronaut

Mission Zebra, Mission Zebra, come in, come in, the radio blared from Base Station. Comrade Yuri, are you there?

Life on Planet Zora was not easy; you had to constantly watch out for streaming meteors and sudden lightening that would light up the night sky.
Comrade Yuri, we are sending a fresh consignment of captured Klingons, you need to store them in the sub zero prison on level three.

Yes sir, will do that. This would be the third consignment of Klingons since spring.
Tomorrow was my weekly run up to the Planet Demonic. That was normally a very difficult run as we had to fly over enemy territory and they had recently got these sophisticated head blasters imported from Zoras that one had to be very careful. Usually I would wear my invisible coat and hold my breath flying below the radar to avoid detection by their spy stations and manage to get to Demonic. It was fun over there, members of the four generations of the Beatles would be playing there this week and the Russian vodka would be freely flowing. This weekly jaunt was the high point of my life. Maybe Princess Bubba would be there, she usually came across once a month to party and boy was she a heck of a dancer.

The radio blared again, Yuri come in, come in.

The Klingon chief has escaped and according to our satellite signals, he has landed on level Eight. Take the Klingon zapper and get over there right away. You are the closest man we have to level eight so get over there and find him.

The Klingon Chief is actually something no one should encounter, 12 foot tall with iron spokes coming out of his head he was just as deadly as his cousin, the Rosnostic Devil and you never take on a Rosnostic Devil.
So I put on my iron gloves, took my Klingon blaster and off it was to level Eight. Boy! This was going to be a battle like never before. I saw him sitting on top of a metal tank eating a rhinoceros and crept up from below and blasted his backside. Ouch! He went, almost as if he was bit by a mosquito. And gave me that glare, my heart was in my mouth as I reloaded the blaster but this time with the red fluid, they always said no not the red fluid anything but the red fluid so I was going to give him a taste of the best. His glare dimmed for a moment as he picked a piece of rhinoceros from his tooth when I saw my chance. And zap, out came the red fluid and splattered all over his ugly body. For a moment, he stood up all quiet and then bellowed such a loud sound that millions in Planet Mombasa next door recalled that yell many years later. Thank god for my anti Klingon ear plugs. And that was the end, the red fluid worked into his veins and heart and he sank to the floor. Got you I said, tied his feet to the rope and dragged him to be frozen in our medical labs on Level Two.

Job done it was time to dress up and leave for Planet Demonic. After having a shave, and putting on my cologne, I donned my invisible cape and was soon out of the chute into space. Veering left to avoid a flying meteor, I sped myself down the galaxy flying low to avoid the radar and was successful landing smoothly next to the music grounds. The Third level generation Beatles were already playing and there must have been over 1000 spectators.

I hurriedly rushed over to the underground level two dance floor where Princess Bubba usually is dancing but she was not there yet. I guess I would have to wait I thought when I heard sirens. Not again, the crowds yelled as the cops came zapping down on us. Listening to the Third generation Beatles was not allowed and they began rounding up the crowds and organizers that I decided to take the back alley and disappear up the chute and emerged at level 4. The second generation Beatles were playing here and that was allowed.

I decided to settle myself down when I saw princess Bubba emerge. Hey the fun will now begin I thought.

Who said being a lift man was a boring job.

- The End -

The Amazon Rain Forest

Norman Gardner was a simple old accountant who had worked for the Miller Foundation all of his life. He started with them when he was merely 19 years old and took pre mature retirement last year as he touched the age of fifty. Norman never married in his life and so lived quite a frugal accountant’s life. His savings and early retirement package had left him with quite a tidy sum that he could now decide to spend some of it as he liked and invest the balance to live happily off its interest for the rest of his life.
What will you do with yourself? His assistant Betty had asked as he was leaving and he said who knows, maybe go and explore the Amazon rain forest. Quite different from what people would have expected him to say.
As he sat that evening sipping his ovalteen, Norman got to thinking, what should I do with my time? Shall I go visit Europe and its museums, shall I go and see what China is like or should I join piano classes. Hmmm!
What the heck, let me go visit the Amazon, no one will ever imagine me, Norman Gardner, going on an Amazon forest trip.
So he called up the travel agent and booked his tickets for next Monday and before he knew it, here he was getting off at Ecuador and soon reached the small town of Coca at the edge of the rain forest.
He had been told about taking a guide and following the track set out for tourists but he felt that this would not be adventurous enough. What the heck, if I have come this far, why don’t I take the more difficult trek up the river into the cayambe summit. He purchased all his provisions and his tent and anti insect sprays and took a detailed map from the Tourist office and was soon on his way. Forget those tourist paths, they don’t show you anything great he thought as he hired the small boat to take him up river and to start his own hike into the rain forest.
As Norman had planned according to the map, he should reach the other side crossing through the Panacoca in five days. That should be so exciting just me and nature all by ourselves, as he set off happily.
The first two days were very exciting, he came across waterfalls, piranhas, crocodiles, the black cayman and a wide variety of flora and fauna.
On the third day, he saw some smoke coming from beyond the trees and decided to investigate. As he walked on, the rain forest became thicker and thicker and the earth was now wet and slippery but he went on. At the turn just before the big boulder ahead of him, his leg slipped and the stick he was using as a grip fell from his hand and he felt himself falling. The hillside was full of dried leaves and in the slush of the wetness; he went sliding down the hillside for the next five minutes and landed at the edge of a small river. While he got up and cleaned himself, he was glad that he had not been hurt and once everything checked out, he began to look around him. The river was so beautiful and he could see various colored birds and insects around him. Looking into the river he thought, well there are so many fish here, why don’t I just camp here for the night and catch myself a good fish to barbecue.
Norman left his camping gear at the edge of the river and decided to walk about collecting wood for the fire. As he walked a little way into the forest, he heard some sounds, it sounded like singing and music. Inquisitive, he walked on towards the sounds and came across what seemed like a tribal evening celebration. At first they did not see him but as he wandered out into the clearing, they stopped and stared at him. The chief who was sitting in the centre of the celebrations said something to the men and they stood up and came closer to Norman. One tribal touched his arm and directed him towards the chief.
The others were all silent waiting to see what would happen. They seemed to have finished eating their dinner as he could see remnants of their meal around and they all had a bowl with some liquid in front of them. The chief offered him a bowl and gesticulated for him to drink. He sipped it and found it a strong spirit but tasty. The chief asked him to sit down and then the crowd began to sing and dance again. Norman found it so very enjoyable, we wondered what the tribe was called but could not ask as he did not know the language. He had read up about all the various tribes in the Amazon and was trying to recall this one’s name from their attire and design of ornaments but could not. They topped up his bowl more than once that evening and he forget all about dinner as he was getting slowly drunk. After sometime, he felt his head reeling and found that it was difficult to walk properly. The chief was also getting little drunk but realized that Norman was not used to their liquor. He asked his men to take Norman into the hut and lay him to sleep.
Norman was grateful as all he wanted was a good night’s rest.
The next day, he got up with a hangover and decided to wander out. The chief beckoned him and using sign language, he pointed Norman to go into another large hut where there were two women waiting inside. They had a concoction of oils and herbs with them and began applying that to his forehead. They made him lie down and removed his shirt and began to apply the solution on his body. He felt its heady aroma and again the thought he had last night came to his head. What was the name of this tribe? Was this the medicine tribe the Obayi’s, no that doesn’t seem right he thought?
The rubbing continued, the aroma was so inviting that he began to enjoy it and closed his eyes and relaxed.
In five minutes, they shook him and pointed out to a large vessel in the corner which had lots of aromatic herbs and hot water in it. They helped him up and into the vessel and again began the rubbing to make him relax.
His thoughts began to drift off as he closed his eyes to sleep, what was the name of this tribe his mind was thinking, and thinking, while he slowly dozed off when it came to him.
……..oh yes, they are the Shamatari, the cannibalistic river tribe.
- The End –

The African Queen

Udumi was born to a family of traders in a small village in the South of the country. Her childhood was very pleasant, playing with the other children in the village and tending to her families various farm animals. She had 12 brothers and sisters as in those days, they usually had large families.
But they always said, Udumi, you are the smart one; you must do something with your life.
As she grew older, she attended the local school in the village and took up an interest in playing the violin. Her tunes became very popular and she was often called to play during village weddings and other important events. Udumi’s violin soon became well known in the region and she was often called upon during special ceremonies at the state administrators’ home in the adjoining village.
One day they came to her father and told him that the head of the country, General Idi Didi was going to be visiting the State and they were having a grand party in his honor. They would like Udumi to play the welcome song as he walked in to the hall.
Udumi was elated, in her 18 years, this was the biggest ever opportunity to show her skills. Her mother dressed her up in yellow and silver and she also wore her grandmother’s valuable brooch which had been gifted to her by a visiting British missionary many years ago.
That evening, she was sitting on the promenade with little lights flickering around her and then they announced His Excellency General Idi Didi and that was her cue, she began and her violin sang like never before. The General stopped as he passed by
and stood there for two minutes hearing her play and smiled as he walked on.
That night she couldn’t sleep, she was so excited that he had stopped and listened to her.
A few weeks later, the village headman called her father and said that General Idi Didi had sent a message that he wanted to marry the sweet girl who played the violin.
When her father brought home the message, they were all very elated, Udumi would be Queen.
The next two weeks were a whirlwind of events, parties and shopping trips and finally they left in an entourage for the big city.
The Wedding was a gala affair; heads of States and Government were all invited. Udumi was his 13th wife and that was said to be a position of honor. She was then taken into the Palace and given the special rooms on the left wing on the 3rd Floor. General Idi came in that night and was very loving towards her and did things she had never experienced before but she thought, this must be what queens are supposed to do. General Idi left in the early morning hours and she did not see him for the next week.
Her life was pampered, bathing in milk and eating exotic fruits and vegetables. And the meats, she had never seen such a spread of delicacies. Every Sunday, there would be a market place organized in the palace grounds when all the Queens would come down. The grounds would be full of stalls from the town where the queens would pick whatever caught their fancy. Udumi selected some gowns and a strong axe which she asked to be sent to her parents back home. They also sent three bushels of grain and rice with the consignment.
Months passed by, and one morning she woke up feeling a bit unwell and the palace doctor was called. Congratulations Queen Udumi, you are with child. The palace was full of festivities as the General would be soon having another heir. A son was born to Udumi that winter, and they named him Idi after his father.
Queen Udumi was visited less and less in the months that followed and she wondered why that was so. They said that you do put on weight during childbirth and so her becoming twice in size should have not been the reason. General Idi now had his 20th Queen and during the Sunday marketplace Udumi would see how slim and pretty the new Queens were.
But as time passed and she never got any visits by the General anymore, she started to get angry. How dare he keep her closed up in the palace, never allowing her to wander out into the town, never visiting her in the night and soon also the gifts stopped. Her violin strings needed repair but no one bothered about that too. She was so angry that day when she could not take it any longer and against all rules, barged right into his private quarters to bring this up once and for all.
Fireworks went off that day and tales like this would be told to Queens in the future.
But as far as Udumi was concerned, she found out that ears do get cold in the freezer.
- The End -

June 2009 Edition The Toronto Manager Page 17

‘Philip Kotler – Move over – A new marketing jargon is born’ - By Gautam Nath


Recalling our days at the Management School, we were taught and
learned all about Marketing and Advertising and have seen our compatriots in the corporate world over the years sing the same old song. The four P’s, the four C’s and the rest of the marketing jargon.

Advertising agencies earlier dealt with the Marketing side of their clients business and focused their attention to handling above the line spends while leaving below the line to the Sales team to handle.

Over years, soon the priority of below the line and one on one marketing began to take up importance and advertising agencies as well as DM agencies started to take an interest and build business models around both above as well as below the line. In Canada, Environics Analytics product PRIZM© that uses geographical and demographic secondary data to support aiming our below the line spends as a tactical tool is a great example of this.

But what no one saw and a new terminology for our marketing fraternity is: What about ‘Beside’ the line?

Yes, you heard me right; I am talking about ‘Beside’ the line. That wasn’t termed when we read our Kotlers but it’s shaking the Marketing tree today.

Marketing today is also about ‘Beside’ the line and more and more organizations are budgeting and spending big bucks ‘Beside’ the line.

A strong example of ‘Beside’ the line spend is the entire gamut of initiatives that Corporates take up and call CSR, or Corporate Social Responsibility. This intervention is clearly neither above nor below the line and a fit student of ‘Beside’ the line activity. Funds are usually controlled outside the regular Marketing budgets and in case of large corporations, can add up to Millions of Dollars each year.

TNS conducted a Global Corporate Social Responsibility study among automotive and related sectors covering 16 countries and 5 industry sectors which showed us how companies the world over are serious about their Corporate Social Responsibility and that this ‘Beside’ the line activity is becoming a strong tool for the corporate world.

In today’s competing world, where space is crowded and consumers are being hounded by both above the line and below the line media, this strategy is being used more and more by corporations across the globe. ‘Beside’ the line marketing enters the consumers mind through uncluttered space and leaves a far greater and lasting impression. Psychologists have shown the value of being seen as doing Good for Society has a positive rub off on the observers mind about that corporation. Marketing spends in blogging, twittering and in letting customers define brand promise all fall under the gamut of beside the line spends. It has to do with tomorrow’s consumer who will shape the marketplace rather than the manufacturer.

More and more consumers are asking corporations what they are returning back to society and when addressed professionally and in a systematic basis, this activity falls under the ambit of ‘Beside’ the line.

Last month was talking with Nick, a senior manager at a Diamond export firm based at South Africa which had adopted 2 villages nearby and has taken responsibility for providing two things: free medical facilities and free education for children. They had been running these initiatives for the last year. When I asked him about its outcome, he said that it made them proud as much of their labor force came from these two villages and also their US buyer increased their business three fold when they heard about the kind of return to society this company was involved in.

CSR Europe has over 60 leading Multinational corporations as its members and works towards integrating CSR into the way they run their day-to-day business.

Dipak Jain, Dean, Kellogg School of Management in a recent forum opined as to how today’s Management Education has to make it a necessity to train Socially Responsible Global leaders of our future corporations.

‘Beside’ the line marketing is here to stay. Marketing experts need to sit down and review what other activities categorize ‘Beside’ the line and soon we will see the rise in consulting companies offering services to maximize the ‘Beside’ the line effectiveness. The Corporate Boardroom will also be witness to ‘Beside’ the line budgeting on a more professional and regular basis.

The fact that these activities exist is not new and there is a lot of knowledge available on this account, the author’s intention here is to give it a handle and ask for its natural place in our Marketing Books along with the jargon of ‘Above’ and ‘Below’ the line.


- end of document -


About the Author – Gautam Nath, MBA, RHB, is Director, Cultural Markets at Environics Research Group. He has worked in the corporate world with Fortune 1000 companies such as Estee Lauder, SC Johnson and the TNS Group. Having over 25 years of Corporate experience across a gamut of disciplines covering Market Research, Marketing and International Trade, Mr. Nath regularly contributes his ideas and learning's to the media for sharing among his peers and successors.
He may be contacted at gautam.nath@environics.ca